Empowered4Tomorrow

The Game-Changer

In the summer of 2019, my wife flew out to the Midwest to care for her cousin’s children for a few days. When my wife came back home, she was on fire with motivation to change our screen-time routines.

You see, before my wife had visited her cousin, our approach to screen-time was . . . haphazard. Before my wife’s trip, we only required our children to complete a given amount of school time before they were at their leisure to watch approved TV shows. My wife and I would try to have the kids stop watching shows after about two hours elapsed, but we weren’t consistent. We often felt that our children were spending too much time on screens, but we struggled implementing changes. Once my wife saw what her cousin did to implement healthy boundaries surrounding screen-time, my wife went into action and quickly convinced me to get on board.

The changes that my wife and I implemented were really quite simple. Instead of having screen-time as a default activity, we started requiring our children to earn their screen time by doing a set amount of household chores. Each child was given a different number of chores to complete based on their age and capability. Once a child completed their chores and checked them off with Mom or Dad, then the child could have leisure screen time watching approved shows or activities. At this same time, we also let them know what they could expect for the time-frame they could be on a screen.

This simple system brought about fabulous changes and still does! First off, the house is cleaner and stays cleaner! In fact, our children sometimes get so invested in doing household chores that they get into arguments over who does what chore as they try and jockey for chores that appear “easier” or more desirable. As a parent, this is a good problem to have 😉

Another huge positive is that there is an established limit regarding the amount of leisure screen-time each child is allowed per day. (Now, I have to be honest here . . . we are very imperfect at enforcing the screen-time limit. There are times when the screen time our children end up getting is greater than the limit we originally set. However, we are much better limiting the amount of screen-time our children get now than we were prior to implementing this system.)

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, this system supports children in learning healthy habits with their use of technology. Instead of giving children a free pass to leisure screen time, we are teaching them the principle of work before play. Screen time is viewed as a privilege rather than an automatic pass. The beautiful thing about this system is that it works well with activities other than just household chores. Requiring that our children engage in activities such as music practice, reading a book, or some type of physical exercise are examples of some excellent alternatives to use within this system. By requiring children to “earn” their screen time through accomplishing other healthy activities, children are taught and encouraged to manage their screen time rather than the other way around.

So what is “The Game-Changer?”

It is leveraging screen time as a reward for other healthy behaviors.

Do this by identifying an activity, or set of activities, children are required to do before they are allowed to get on a screen for leisure. Make sure the expectations are clear up front and then enjoy the teaching and results that come about.

Photo by Jean-Daniel Francoeur on Pexels.com

Ferrari in L.A.

I was talking with my brother-in-law yesterday evening. We got talking about technology and screen-time. I voiced some of my concerns with giving smartphones to our children. I said, “giving a smartphone to a child is like giving them a Ferrari when they just got their Learner’s Permit. My brother-in-law added, “yeah, giving them a Ferrari in L.A.” We both had a good laugh at this ridiculous analogy, and yet . . . this analogy is probably not far off.

What is it exactly that we’re giving our kids when we give them a smart-phone? Is it access to the contacts of few friends and neighbors? Is it a modest school library of books and literature? Is it a year-long pass to the local movie theater?

Of course not! We are literally giving our children the ability to access social media platforms with millions of potential contacts. We are giving them access to millions and millions of videos, thousands upon thousands of games, and the vastest library of information mankind has ever known! Woah!! Now, is it incredible to have access to “Ferrari’s” that fit nicely into our pockets? Yes! Absolutely! Is it awe-inspiring to have access to more information on our smartphone than is contained in a thousand libraries? Without a doubt! I hope we can begin to appreciate the incredible opportunities we have from the digital technology available to us! At the same time, the need to lay a groundwork for the safe and effective use of our digital technology is huge, and it’s urgent!

Think about driving. When anyone is learning to drive, what sort of conditions are they placed in? Do we place a 15 or 16 year old youth behind the wheel of a Ferrari in downtown L.A. and say “go at it kid, figure it out.” Of course not! That would be ludicrous! Bear with me a moment as I describe how I learned to drive.

When I was learning to drive and trying to get my driver’s license, I had to pass a written exam before I could even sit in the driver’s seat of a car. After passing the written exam, I was only allowed to drive a car with an instructor in a parking lot the size of a football field. Only after proving I could parallel park, back up in a figure eight, and knew how to use the blinker, was I allowed to drive around town with the instructor. Oh and by the way, these cars I trained in were low-end cars. No Corvette’s, Audi’s, Lexus’s, or SUV’s of any sort. These were simple, base-model cars.

Now I know my experience in learning to drive is not unique. These circumstances and this process is how most of us learn to drive. The risks are minimized and a training process followed to teach people how to drive for the first time. So what if we used a similar approach to teach and train our children on how to use wisely and safely use their smart-phones and media devices?

Ferrari in L.A. Part II . . .

Photo by Mike on Pexels.com

Screen-time in 2020

As school starts back up, we’re faced with unique challenges amid Covid19. Whether our children are attending school, doing homeschool, or something in-between, it’s likely they will be doing more learning on a screen than ever before. We also have fewer social activities available to us this year as social distancing continues. So how do we help our children live balanced lives in these circumstances? Two things come to mind.

First, the basic need to limit the screen-time our children engage with at home. Our children need screen-time boundaries, and that need has only increased in 2020. One simple strategy to establish some screen-time boundaries is by having a designated time each day that our children are allowed to be on a screen. For example, if 4-5pm is the designated time each day, then after 5pm leisure screen-time is off limits. Another idea more suited for older children is to have required activities that children need to complete before being on a screen for leisure. These activities might include physical exercise, homework, chores, or music practice. Setting up clear rules or boundaries for our family screen-time use will allow and encourage children to do other activities. Doing our best to establish healthy boundaries with screens will also prevent a host of other problems that come with excessive screen-time. (Important! None of us are going to be perfect at applying healthy screen-time boundaries. As a parent, I know there are days where I am barely functioning and way below my “A game.” In light of this, it’s important that I’m not too hard on myself or my children. So, instead of focusing on always hitting a quota, I encourage looking at ways to improve as we work toward a baseline of healthy living in our home!)

The second thing is to focus on finding activities outside of the screen. When screen-time limits are clear and our children see us putting energy into activities and resources outside the screen, then our children will follow our lead . . . eventually;). In focusing on activities outside the screen, I hope we will all be willing to try new things. As Covid19 has compelled us to adapt to new things, our home is no exception. (As I write this, my seven year old is asking for help with a watercolor painting not quite going her way. Not sure I can be of much help, but it’s worth a try!) Hopefully, a new medium of art never looked so appealing as it does now. So my encouragement . . . give it a shot! What’s the worst that can happen? The house gets a bit more colorful? . . . Okay, well, what’s the best that can happen? . . . Creativity is sparked, a lifelong hobby is discovered, or a budding artist finds something they love! Let’s not stop with art! Did you know it’s actually very doable to do heart pumping, sweat-inducing workouts right at home? If you can manage to find a space only as big as an empty hallway, you can do a terrific workout! You don’t need any equipment to start. If your exercise floor is hard and unforgiving, you can get very comfy exercise mats to create a better work-out environment. To add variety to your workouts, you can purchase low-cost items such as stretchy bands, jump ropes, exercise balls, or floor sliders. The bottom line is that we need to keep active to be healthy. As we face unique and challenging circumstances during this 2020-2021 school year, our children will likely need some additional help knowing how they can remain active. My experience has been that limiting screen-time naturally leads children to physical activities. However, if we find our children are struggling with being cooped up inside or need a spark to get them motivated, then try some of the in-home exercise resources listed below.

Indoor Exercise Ideas for Children

Zumba, Dance, Yoga

For each of these, I actually recommend YouTube Kids. A simple search such as “zumba for kids” or “yoga for kids” will bring up a host of helpful, fun videos to follow along with. (Make sure the search function is turned on in your YouTube Kids parental controls.)

The Camping Test

Here in the United States we are blessed with a multitude of State and National parks. Millions of acres that are full of wildlife and beautiful wilderness. I love going camping whenever I get the chance, so I can enjoy being out in nature and get away from the hubbub of daily life. Camping is also a great activity to test how well we do without our technology gadgets and screens. Spending a night or two away without wi-fi or reliable cell-phone service, provides a great opportunity to test our levels of digital dependency.

If you’re willing to try this camping experiment, here are a few tips.

First, I would encourage planning the activities you do on your family campout well in advance. Having activities planned and prepared will help make your campout more enjoyable. It will also help your children (and if we’re being honest . . . ourselves) less likely to wish for data coverage and a big-screen TV while on the campout.

Second, don’t plan activities for every hour of the day. You and your family need time to unwind, rest, and enjoy experiences that come organically. So I guess what I’m saying is plan for down time. Down time allows each family member to unwind and just enjoy being outdoors. Activities such as reading a book, starting a fire, chasing bugs, or taking a nap are a few examples of things to do while in between your planned activities.

Third, make it clear to your children, spouse, and anyone else joining you for your campout, what the technology limitations will be on your trip. Setting clear expectations upfront will decrease whining and help the children (and adults) know that they need to look for activities outside of their 5 inch smartphone screen. (By the way, I would strongly encourage leaving screens at home when you go camping!)

Test this out. Give it a try. Not only is camping a terrific way to have some fun and create memories together, but it also provides an excellent opportunity to test levels of digital dependency. See how comfortable you and your children are spending some time out in nature without being plugged into wi-fi. Observe your children as you’re camping. Are they enjoying themselves? Are they able to engage in activities such as hiking, setting up camp, star gazing, or playing in the nearby creek? How many times do the children ask for their favorite screen-time device or activity?

If our children are constantly distracted missing their phones, tablets, computers, TV, or other digital devices; then heads up! This is a strong signal ( pun totally intended;) that our children’s screen-time habits are throwing their lives out of balance. The level to which our children are distracted and have difficulty enjoying themselves in the natural world provides us as parents with excellent insight regarding the impact screen-time is having on our children. The same principle goes for us as adults. If we find ourselves distracted or anxious without our normal digital devices or capabilities, then it’s likely we have an unhealthy dependency with our screens and devices as well.

Check out Recreation.gov for a nationwide database of camping and recreation areas!

Lessons from the Beach

A couple wonderful hours was all we could handle of being at the beach this afternoon. Even as I write this post my shins and ankles burn with the heat poured into them from the powerful sunlight. Was it worth it? Oh, yeah! It was so worth it! The moderate burning sensations on my legs remind me of the tremendous beauty and power of the earth’s elements that we encountered at the beach. I also can’t help but see incredible contrasts between our experience at the beach today, and what we experience during screen-time.

Cold Ocean Water: While boogie boarding, my toes went numb after 15 minutes and my muscles wouldn’t respond properly.

Screens numb us slowly overtime Excessive screen-time will make our bodies struggle to perform normally.

Sunlight: The sunshine is so nice at the beach. It is also very powerful! 15-20 minutes was all it took for virgin skin to burn if not protected by sunscreen, clothing, or shade.

Media available through our screens is vast and very powerful at provoking emotion and chemical stimuli for our brain. Media filters , parental guidance, and time-frame boundaries are some key protections that can be implemented to protect against addiction, anxiety, and other mental disorders possible through exposure to toxic or excessive media.

Ocean Waves: according to your size weight and position, the four foot waves could topple you over and fill your ears and nose with salt water. Toddlers and children were especially vulnerable to getting knocked over by the waves.

Screen-time is very similar in that it can easily disrupt the cognitive development of children. The younger the child, the more potent and disruptive screen-time can be to their brain functioning and development. (See sources below)

You see, we couldn’t change the elements we encountered at the beach. We could only prepare and adapt to the best of our ability. Once our physical limitations were reached, we had to stop and come up to higher ground on the beach. We needed to warm up and replenish before going back to the water. If we pushed beyond our natural limitations or ventured too far, we suffered some unpleasant consequences. These consequences could be as simple as sunburn or getting a mouthful of seawater. If we chose to really ignore our limitations, we risked even tragic consequences.

In contrast, we don’t encounter physical limitations in the same way when we are on a screen. When we are on a screen, we become less and less aware of our bodies. Whereas, being at the beach or other outdoor settings tend to heighten our body awareness, being on a screen tends to decrease our cognitive awareness of our bodies. This is one of the main reasons why it is very important to have healthy boundaries with the amount and frequency of screen-time we engage in. Our children need healthy boundaries with screen-time in order to live healthy and productive lives. They need our coaching and example in order to establish healthy habits, especially with screen-time being such an integral part of life.

Canadian Paediatric Society, Digital Health Task Force, Ottawa, Ontario, Screen time and young children: Promoting health and development in a digital world, Paediatrics & Child Health, Volume 22, Issue 8, December 2017, Pages 461–468, https://doi.org/10.1093/pch/pxx123

Lin, Ling-Yi et al. “Effects of television exposure on developmental skills among young children.” Infant behavior & development vol. 38 (2015): 20-6. doi:10.1016/j.infbeh.2014.12.005

The Digital Revolution

As parents, we are in new territory. We didn’t grow up seeing how our parents handled smart-phones, iPads, Kindle’s, laptops, SnapChat, Facebook, Instagram, Netflix, YouTube (whew. . . to name a few). We are in uncharted territory.

If you can humor me, let’s take a quick walk down memory lane.

Do you remember dial-up internet in the 90’s? All the weird chirping noises it made as it hooked itself up to the new, emerging landscape of the internet. Back then, to have any TV, you needed cable or antenna and only received a limited number of channels. The Nintendo 64 was the hot new game system. If you wanted music on your walk, CD Walkman’s were your best option. Then the new millennium dawned.

vinyl records discs and three cassette tapes — Photo by Andre Moura on Pexels.com

When the 2000’s rolled around, cell-phones became commonplace. The phones that were all the rage in the early 2000’s, kids today wouldn’t know how to use! Youth of today would likely toss the Razor and Blackberry phones away like old, useless artifacts. After Christmas of 2007, it seemed that every other kid in school had either the Shuffle or 1st and 2nd generation iPods (Common Sense).

Just think of it! In the first decade of this new millennium, the digital age literally leaped upon us! The technology available to our children today only existed in the imaginations’ of our parents a generation before. So what do we need as parents in order to equip our children for success in the incredible and unprecedented world we live in??

Boundaries

(crickets chirping . . . )

(applause anyone . . . anyone . . . ?)

Yes, I said, boundaries. As elementary, and . . . dare I say . . . boring, as the word “boundaries” may seem, I believe healthy boundaries are essential. They are essential for the successful navigation of the media technology world we live in.

“Awesome,” you may be thinking, “so what boundaries do my kids actually need and how do I get them to listen!?!” This is the question and concern that I hope to shed some light on with this blog. As a parent of three young children, I have wondered this myself. Let me be honest, I haven’t found an easy fix to get children to magically adopt healthy screen-time boundaries. However, I have discovered some powerful principles and systems that make healthy boundaries easier and more natural to implement. A great place post to read from here is my post titled “Screen-time in 2020!” Feel free to share your questions and comments.

“How Tech Is Changing Childhood.” Common Sense, www.commonsense.org/our-impact/.