If you’re like me, you’ve been hit many times with the troubling realization that your kiddos are spending way too much time on screens and engaging with content that’s not so great! When this realization occurs, it’s tempting to say “oh well” and move on with whatever we were doing. However, if we’re real with ourselves–and you’ve read this blog–you know this response leads to huge problems in the future. Instead of throwing in the towel, we can begin today to implement needed change.
There’s no doubt about it! It’s a challenge having our children and youth cut back on the amount of time they spend on their screens and limit their content options. So how can we help this transition be as effective and supportive as possible for our children?
Here are two fundamental paths I see working out in the long run . . .
For Tweens and Teens
Identify a goal, and then cut back on the screen-time to support the goal.
Imagine with me the following scenario: Thirteen year old, we’ll call him “Dustin,” has a routine where he comes home from school and gets on his Nintendo Switch. He spends hours playing games such as Super Smash Bros.™ and Super Mario,™ only stopping for dinner and when we get after him. So what to do?
We can start by asking Dustin why he likes Super Smash Bros.™ and his other video games so much. As we listen to Dustin share his passion for video games, there will be elements in what he shares that translate into the real world. For example, if Dustin talks about how he loves the strategy and action involved in Super Smash Bros.,™ then activities such as martial arts, rock climbing, wrestling, or team sports may be excellent avenues for him to pursue.
After listening to Dustin share what he loves about his video games, we can repeat back to him what we heard him share. (Repeating or reflecting back to our youth the things we heard them say and express is so, so important! This process helps our youth feel understood. When our youth feel understood, they will be much, much more open to hear our concerns and feedback.) Once Dustin feels we understand why he loves his video games, we can then share our concerns about the amount of screen-time (and perhaps content) he is engaging with. After sharing our concerns, we can let Dustin know that we want to help him in both his health and interests. Then we can begin a conversation regarding real world activities that are of interest to Dustin and get him excited!
Once the excitement and vision are there for Dustin, we can help him set goals to engage in the desired activity and accomplish their vision. As part of this planning and preparation, we can communicate our perspective of what it will take to accomplish his goal. This is an excellent opportunity to share what cooperation we will need from Dustin to help make the activity he’s interested in possible, including the limits he will need to place on his screen-time.
As we follow-up with Dustin frequently and encourage him, Dustin will make progress in cutting back on his screen-time and engage with activities that will support his health and development.
By communicating often and openly with our youth and encouraging them along the way, great progress will occur!
For Younger Children
I recommend starting with cutting back on screen-time, and then help children find purposeful, engaging, and exciting activities to do outside the screen.
Depending on the age and maturity of the child, an open discussion may be needed to let our child know why it’s important to cut back on screen-time. I’ve found that children understand more than we give them credit for. Even if our child initially complains or throws a fit about screen-time limits, our explanation as to why we are cutting back on screen-time will likely leave a powerful impression. As we follow-up with by consistently sticking to the new limits as best can, change will happen.
Remember, cutting back the tech doesn’t mean there’s going to be less in life to enjoy, but it does mean we are making a priority of the process necessary to enjoy life more fully. The key, and the challenge, is teaching our children to value and engage with the world outside their screens. I wish I could say this process was easy; we know it’s not. However, with clear communication, patient listening, and loving persistence; I believe our children will come to cherish and pursue a well-balanced life. In time, they will learn to adopt habits that empower them to live a life rich with diverse experiences . . . a life enhanced by digital technology but not overrun by it.
