Tag: screen time

Cutting Back the Tech

If you’re like me, you’ve been hit many times with the troubling realization that your kiddos are spending way too much time on screens and engaging with content that’s not so great! When this realization occurs, it’s tempting to say “oh well” and move on with whatever we were doing. However, if we’re real with ourselves–and you’ve read this blog–you know this response leads to huge problems in the future. Instead of throwing in the towel, we can begin today to implement needed change.

There’s no doubt about it! It’s a challenge having our children and youth cut back on the amount of time they spend on their screens and limit their content options. So how can we help this transition be as effective and supportive as possible for our children?

Here are two fundamental paths I see working out in the long run . . .

For Tweens and Teens

Identify a goal, and then cut back on the screen-time to support the goal.

Imagine with me the following scenario: Thirteen year old, we’ll call him “Dustin,” has a routine where he comes home from school and gets on his Nintendo Switch. He spends hours playing games such as Super Smash Bros.™ and Super Mario,™ only stopping for dinner and when we get after him. So what to do? 

We can start by asking Dustin why he likes Super Smash Bros.™ and his other video games so much. As we listen to Dustin share his passion for video games, there will be elements in what he shares that translate into the real world. For example, if Dustin talks about how he loves the strategy and action involved in Super Smash Bros.,™ then activities such as martial arts, rock climbing, wrestling, or team sports may be excellent avenues for him to pursue. 

After listening to Dustin share what he loves about his video games, we can repeat back to him what we heard him share. (Repeating or reflecting back to our youth the things we heard them say and express is so, so important! This process helps our youth feel understood. When our youth feel understood, they will be much, much more open to hear our concerns and feedback.) Once Dustin feels we understand why he loves his video games, we can then share our concerns about the amount of screen-time (and perhaps content) he is engaging with. After sharing our concerns, we can let Dustin know that we want to help him in both his health and interests. Then we can begin a conversation regarding real world activities that are of interest to Dustin and get him excited!

Once the excitement and vision are there for Dustin, we can help him set goals to engage in the desired activity and accomplish their vision. As part of this planning and preparation, we can communicate our perspective of what it will take to accomplish his goal. This is an excellent opportunity to share what cooperation we will need from Dustin to help make the activity he’s interested in possible, including the limits he will need to place on his screen-time.

As we follow-up with Dustin frequently and encourage him, Dustin will make progress in cutting back on his screen-time and engage with activities that will support his health and development.

By communicating often and openly with our youth and encouraging them along the way, great progress will occur!

For Younger Children

I recommend starting with cutting back on screen-time, and then help children find purposeful, engaging, and exciting activities to do outside the screen. 

Depending on the age and maturity of the child, an open discussion may be needed to let our child know why it’s important to cut back on screen-time. I’ve found that children understand more than we give them credit for. Even if our child initially complains or throws a fit about screen-time limits, our explanation as to why we are cutting back on screen-time will likely leave a powerful impression. As we follow-up with by consistently sticking to the new limits as best can, change will happen.

Remember, cutting back the tech doesn’t mean there’s going to be less in life to enjoy, but it does mean we are making a priority of the process necessary to enjoy life more fully. The key, and the challenge, is teaching our children to value and engage with the world outside their screens. I wish I could say this process was easy; we know it’s not. However, with clear communication, patient listening, and loving persistence; I believe our children will come to cherish and pursue a well-balanced life. In time, they will learn to adopt habits that empower them to live a life rich with diverse experiences . . . a life enhanced by digital technology but not overrun by it.   

The Game-Changer

basketball hoop under cloudy sky

In the summer of 2019, my wife flew out to the Midwest to care for her cousin’s children for a few days. When my wife came back home, she was on fire with motivation to change our screen-time routines. 

You see, before my wife had visited her cousin, our approach to screen-time was . . . haphazard. Before my wife’s trip, we only required our children to complete a given amount of school time before they were at their leisure to watch approved TV shows. My wife and I would try to have the kids stop watching shows after about two hours elapsed, but we weren’t consistent. We often felt that our children were spending too much time on screens, but we struggled implementing changes. Once my wife saw what her cousin did to implement healthy boundaries surrounding screen-time, my wife went into action and quickly convinced me to get on board. 

The changes that my wife and I implemented were really quite simple. Instead of having screen-time as a default activity, we started requiring our children to earn their screen time by doing a set amount of household chores.  Each child was given a different number of chores to complete based on their age and capability. Once a child completed their chores and checked them off with Mom or Dad, then the child could have leisure screen time watching approved shows or activities. At this same time, we also let them know what they could expect for the time-frame they could be on a screen.

This simple system brought about fabulous changes and still does! First off, the house is cleaner and stays cleaner! In fact, our children sometimes get so invested in doing household chores that they get into arguments over who does what chore as they try and jockey for chores that appear “easier” or more desirable. As a parent, this is a good problem to have 😉

Another huge positive is that there is an established limit regarding the amount of leisure screen-time each child is allowed per day. (Now, I have to be honest here . . . we are very imperfect at enforcing the screen-time limit. There are times when the screen time our children end up getting is greater than the limit we originally set. However, we are much better limiting the amount of screen-time our children get now than we were prior to implementing this system.)

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, this system supports children in learning healthy habits with their use of technology. Instead of giving children a free pass to leisure screen time, we are teaching them the principle of work before play. Screen time is viewed as a privilege rather than an automatic pass. The beautiful thing about this system is that it works well with activities other than just household chores. Requiring that our children engage in activities such as music practice, reading a book, or some type of physical exercise are examples of some excellent alternatives to use within this system. By requiring children to “earn” their screen time through accomplishing other healthy activities, children are taught and encouraged to manage their screen time rather than the other way around. 

So what is “The Game-Changer?”

It is leveraging screen time as a reward for other healthy behaviors.

Do this by identifying an activity, or set of activities, children are required to do before they are allowed to get on a screen for leisure. Make sure the expectations are clear up front and then enjoy the teaching and results that come about.

Photo by Jean-Daniel Francoeur on Pexels.com