screens – Empowered4Tomorrow

Media Choices: Where do we start?

Have you ever felt blind-sided with unwholesome content in a movie you just sat down as a family to watch? Or have you given permission to your child to watch a movie you thought was harmless only to hear about themes in the movie you wished they hadn’t been exposed to for another decade? Well, if you’ve felt this way, you’re not alone!

This is why I love the non-profit organization Common Sense Media!

Common Sense Media

Common Sense Media provides reviews on most popular movies, TV shows, and even video games. Reviews are provided by both parents and kids helping provide multiple perspectives. I especially like the detailed ratings indicating the level of language, sexual content, violence, drug or alcohol references present in a movie or TV show. It’s so helpful to have this reference point!

So, when my children come to me with a movie they would like to watch that I haven’t seen before, I go to commonsensemedia.org. I look over the general reviews about the movie and I dig into the details. While I don’t give my children a free pass to all the media recommended by Common Sense reviews, I really appreciate the valuable reference point Common Sense Media provides!

A Key Question

When it comes to TV shows my kiddos watch, I like ask myself, “is this show demonstrating attitudes and behavior that I want my children to model?” I like to take this question into account for all the media my kids engage with, but I feel this is especially important when it comes to TV shows. Unlike a movie, TV shows account for a lot of viewing hours overtime. If a TV show is full of rude, disrespectful, or violent behavior portrayed by the main characters; children will inevitably pick up on these behaviors because they are seeing this behavior modeled day after day. Because of this, I believe it worth our effort to be very selective about what TV shows our children do or do not watch.

Our Perspective is Vital

Since each child’s needs and personality are different, I don’t believe any rating or review system is adequate to make media content decisions for us. As the parents and guardians of our children, we are in the best position to make media choices for our children that will be the most beneficial for their well-being and their future. As our children grow and become tweens and teens, they will need our support and guidance to safely and successfully navigate the jungle of digital media available to them. I believe that, as parents, we give our children the best chance of an empowered tomorrow when we take an active role in guiding them in their media choices.

P.S. I would love it if you shared your tips and insights on this topic in the comments below.

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Progress, not Perfection

One of the best ways to stop ourselves from making any progress is by being too hard on ourselves and our family members. Changing habits takes work over a period of time and usually involves a lot of speed bumps along the way. When it comes to supporting our children in changing their screen-time habits, trial and error is going to be a part of the process. My advice . . . do not to take things personally. When the change we’re trying to implement isn’t going as well as we would like, seek for patience and understanding both for ourselves and our children. Change is not easy but it is needed and it is worth it!

shallow focus on blond haired woman in white long sleeve shirt carrying a baby on her back

Let’s say we try to implement a new after-school routine for our children to help them not watch as much Netflix or video games.. Let’s say that after two weeks of trying a new routine, the amount of screen-time our children are getting each day has only decreased by 10-15 minutes. Our initial reaction may be one of discouragement or frustration. Whatever our initial feelings, we need to celebrate this progress no matter how small it may seem. Our children also need to be complimented on the progress they are making even when it is small. Celebrating our progress, even if small, will help pave the way for more and more improvement. Please, do not stop!

I firmly believe that putting forth effort, as imperfect as that effort may be, is so, soooo much better than not trying and making no effort at all. If we simply give up on a goal that matters to us, our children can sense this also and it will negatively impact them. So instead of throwing in the towel, let’s give ourselves a pat on the back for our effort and then keep searching for answers and improvement. Persistence is key, especially, when it comes to changing our habits with digital technology. Nevertheless, persistence . . . by itself, is not going to bring about the change we are seeking in our screen-time routines. Another element is needed.

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Bedtime: A Closer Look

If there’s one thing I could recommend for a child’s bed-time routine is to read books. That may seem overly simple, so let me start with identifying a few things to avoid at bed-time.

First off, screens. . . You know those flat, rectangular things that light up and play movies or games or allow us to get lost surfing the internet or scrolling through social media. Yeah, those screens! 😉 In order to have a sleep supportive bed-time routine, it’s important–even crucial–to turn off and put away our digital screens. What health professionals recommend is turning screens off an hour before going to sleep at night. One of the main for this is that the blue light used to light up our digital devices interferes with our brain preparing for sleep in the evening (Harvard-Blue Light).

Another thing to avoid at night-time is keeping wi-fi and cellular devices next to our children as they sleep. Testing and research indicate that the radiation emitted by cellular and wireless devices can be harmful to the body over time (Environmental Health Trust). Therefore, it’s a good safety precaution to keep any screens or wireless devices away from the area where children sleep or power down these devices at night-time.

So what is helpful to do as we help our children prepare for and get a good night’s sleep? There’s the usual getting on pajamas, maybe a bed-time snack (I’m still trying to get my children to eat more at dinner time so we don’t have to do this snack thing!), brushing teeth, and perhaps evening rituals in preparing for sleep. But what do we do when children are still wanting to play or claim they aren’t tired (my kids do this all the time!)? And what about summer-time when it stays light outside well past 8pm?

Books. Reading books.

Children may not be excited about reading books at first, but with some practice, they will come around.

When it comes to books, I love taking advantage of our public library! At the library, my children can handpick books that are interesting to them. In fact, I have to put a limit on the number of books we check out at a given time because they are so excited with all the fun books they find. When my kiddos aren’t wanting to come inside and get ready for bed, I let them know our book reading time is in jeopardy! My wife and I also require our kids to brush their teeth and be ready for bed before we read to them. We like to do a little contest where the child ready for bed first gets to choose the first book. More often than not, they eagerly step into action in order to not miss reading time.

So what can reading books as a part of a bed-time routine really do for a child? Instead of children decreasing their quality of sleep by being on a screen right before bed, children can prepare for sleep, develop a love of reading, and learn healthy bed-time habits through a reading time routine. My wife and I have found that reading time doesn’t have to be long. In fact, just 10 to 20 minutes each night is sufficient for a great reading experience!

Reading in the evening will replace unhealthy screen-time and, simultaneously, helps support so many other healthy habits in our children’s lives. This is why I truly believe reading to our children as part of a bed-time routine is so, so helpful! It’s a practice that is both an offensive and defensive routine. Reading is awesome!

Harvard Health Letter: Blue Light

Environmental Health Trust: About

Environmental Health Trust: Research

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Create vs Consume: Defense

So why play defense when it comes to screen-time for our children?

The media platforms we know so well such as YouTube, Netflix, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TicToc, Snapchat, Hulu, DisneyPlus, and so many others do not have built-in warnings! There is not an alarm that goes off after half an hour of scrolling through social media. There’s not a warning on YouTube when sexually suggestive content in an ad or video comes up. And there’s not any warning given when using any one of these platforms at the expense of sleep or proper exercise and nutrition. It’s like having access to an all you can eat buffet all day everyday without any limits or warnings about the adverse effects of over-eating. Without guidance and coaching, our children and youth will make themselves sick by gorging themselves on the endless buffet of entertainment media. Please forgive me for my rant, but you get the point! Defense is essential for the health and success of our children and the rising generation.

The Foundation

A good bed-time routine devoid of screens is so very important for several reasons. A good bed-time routine supports the work, energy, and creativity for the next day. When children and youth are left consuming media at the expense of the sleep they need, their energy and creativity batteries take a hit. Health experts recommend turning screens off an hour before going to sleep in order to give the brain a chance to wind down and prepare for sleep (American Association of Pediatrics).

Second, a good bed-time routine is an excellent safe-guard against screen related addictions. Children and youth will have much less opportunity to develop an addiction to video games, pornography, or social media when a bed-time routine is followed.

Third, bed-time routines provide an excellent opportunity for reading. I believe reading is the “golden bullet” of bed-time routines. Reading is so helpful for children in their cognitive development and provides a calming activity that helps the mind prepare for sleep. I’ve found that including reading in our bed-time routine provides my children an incentive for getting ready for bed and getting off of screens in the first place. They look forward to having the opportunity to choose a story and have it read to them. In addition to providing a powerful incentive for bed-time cooperation, reading at bed-time also helps children have an interest in reading on their own at other times during the day. Reading with children at bed-time is both a defensive and offensive strategy. Reading with children is powerful!

Time limits

It’s a lot easier for children and youth to get into the weeds of stagnation and screen related addictions when they are left to be on a screen for hours on end. Giving time limits on leisure screen-time helps children know what to expect when they sit down to watch their favorite shows or play a game. When time limits are combined with the Game-Changer routine, children and youth view screen-time as a reward that has limits rather than a lifestyle that has no end. I personally prefer giving my children a 1-2 hour time limit with screen-time. This time-frame works well with our children who are between the ages of 4 and 8.

Go with a Simple Phone

In my post, Ferrari in L.A: Part 2., I talk about the strategy of giving tweens and teens simple phones that don’t include an internet connection. Phone’s such as the Gabb Wireless phone or a basic flip phone are a great way to play defense when it comes to the amount of time youth spend on the internet. When youth do not have constant access to the internet, they will feel more purpose and have more direction in their use of the internet when they have their windows of opportunity to use it. When youth do not have constant access to social media and the internet on their phones, they will, by default, have more time to spend exercising, reading, and engaging in person to person communication.

While learning to play offense with the screen-time is important, helping our children and youth develop routines for a good defense is critical. Without defensive routines and principles in their lives, children and youth will learn through hard experience the cost in lost opportunity and poor health that the endless media buffet in our world can cause.

Defense is essential.

American Association of Pediatrics

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Gabb Wireless Phones

Create vs Consume: Offense

photo of woman teaching his son while smiling

Routines provide us the structure needed to build good habits. Habits shape our lives.

Instilling healthy habits in our children through the practice of routines will do wonders! Think of the health problems, mental illnesses, or addictions that can be avoided through healthy habits. Routines can help our children avoid destructive behaviors and, instead, replace them with empowering habits helping them accomplish their dreams and goals in life.

There are two types of routines that I’d like to discuss: offensive and defensive. Think of offensive routines as a way to use digital technology as a tool for growth, knowledge, and motivation in our lives. Think of defensive routines as a way to help develop boundaries that protect against unhealthy behaviors with digital devices.

Let’s first start with the offensive routines.

In my post, The Game-Changer, I describe the way screen-time can be used as an incentive for other healthy activities that don’t involve being on a screen. The principle of work first, then play is critical for children to learn. It’s very easy for children and youth to fall into the habit of getting on a screen to avoid “work” or activities that appear unpleasant. Helping children and teens get in the habit of completing their work or “less desirable” activities before getting on a screen for entertainment is huge! Establishing routines where children and youth learn to create, work, serve, or exercise in order to “earn” their screen-time will help build healthy habits.

The other offensive routine I’d like to touch on is something I call Passionate Pursuits. As we’re all well aware, the internet provides a wealth of information on just about every conceivable topic. Wikipedia, Khan Academy, and tons of online libraries, are just some of the examples of the incredible resources of information readily available to us. As a result, the information we need to start a new hobby, learn a new skill, or investigate a question about the world is available at our fingertips within seconds. Powerful! So, instead of having children view screens as just a device they watch the next TV show on, we can show them how to use screens to fuel their passions? With a bit of coaching and structure, children can learn quickly how to use their “smart” devices to aid them in active learning and accomplishment.

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Create vs Consume

The Great Salt Lake is the largest body of water in the Western United States. However, unlike most inland lakes, the Great Salt Lake is full of salt water, very salty water. The reason for this is that the Great Salt Lake has no waterways leading out of it. The water runs into the Great Salt Lake from the Jordan River and other tributaries but no creeks or rivers lead out from the lake. The only way water leaves the Great Salt Lake is from evaporation. Because of this, the minerals, including salt, build up and build up leaving the water salty and inhospitable for most forms of life.

In like manner, our children can become sick from consuming too much in their lives and giving, creating, and releasing too little. If children simply consume the movies, videos, pictures, and games others produce, then their minds and bodies will become sick. So how do we teach our children to have a healthy balance in their lives?

First, we need to make sure we are modeling balance in our daily activities. If the bulk of our leisure time is spent on a screen, we shouldn’t be surprised when our children and teenagers follow suit. It takes effort to live a balanced life when the internet and countless media options are constantly available. For myself personally, I’ve found it very beneficial to consciously review how I’m using my time on a screen and make adjustments. It starts with us.

After taking inventory and making adjustments of our own screen-time habits, there are some key areas I’ve found that are very helpful in helping children develop balance between creating and consuming in their own lives. These areas are:

Routines

Service

Gratitude

Let’s start with the last one, first . . . gratitude. Gratitude truly creates magic! Gratitude can transform our attitudes and outlook in a single moment.

The other day, a YouTube ad caught my attention. It was for a non-profit organization CharityWater.org. I stopped what I was doing and watched the 20 minute documentary that showed in detail how the tremendous problem a lack of clean water causes for millions of people around the globe. Wow! Talk about a reality check! I came away from that video with a deep sense of gratitude for the access to excellent water my family and I have. Though our water supply hadn’t changed, my appreciation for the supply of fresh, clean water did! Now, I know that the concept of gratitude isn’t new and you are probably more aware of the amazing things we have to be grateful for in our developed world than I am. However, my question is, do our children have a deep sense of gratitude for the wonderful things they enjoy in their lives each day? Do our children know how their food is grown? Do they understand the work that goes into growing and harvesting crops? Do our children know how the electricity is created that powers the lights, the heat, the refrigerator? Do they consider what effort it took for the home to be built that they live in? Do our children appreciate the marvelous opportunities for learning, working, and recreating that we enjoy in our world? Our children have more blessings available at their fingertips than any other previous generation in the history of the world. Do our children know what it means to feel deeply grateful?

You might be thinking, “this stuff about gratitude is all good, but what does it have to do with screen-time for children? Well . . . it’s human nature and physiology to eat when we feel hungry. When we feel bored, we look for stimulating activities. When we’re sad or fearful, we look for comfort and security. In contrast, gratitude is a choice we make to value the things that already exist in our lives. Gratitude doesn’t require consuming more. Therefore, when our children practice gratitude, the need they feel to consume media will naturally diminish. They will be more resourceful with what is around them. They will also be more likely to notice ways they can serve people around them. And they will be less resistant to implementing routines in their life that build value for themselves and others.

Create vs Consume: Part 2 coming soon!

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